The Conical Glass: Flying slowly

Friday, February 08, 2008

Flying slowly

The longest week of my life was spent in Calgary, Alb., Canada. Joe was being sent to Calgary on a business trip and since I'd never been there, but had enjoyed visiting other cities in Canada, I decided to tag along, I should mention that it was February. Calgary is no doubt a lovely town but in February, it was incredibly cold, gray and gloomy. What's more, every indoor space was heated to the max. My sinus cavities dried out so thoroughly that I had a nosebleed the entire week.

I've never been back to Calgary, though I wouldn't mind going there again at a more temperate time of year. Whenever I visit Florida, however, time passes entirely too quickly. I try to extend it every year -- last year, we were there for six full days, which seemed too short, so we stretched it out to seven this time. It still went by fast. Of course, my parents are down there for two and a half months and they say it still goes by fast. Things would probably be different if they were back home in Michigan, which has been hit by one snowstorm after another this year. (Not surprisingly, images of the snowy North often appear in the local paper and newscasts down there.)

As I write this, we're on the plane flying from Tampa to Las Vegas, where we change planes (there are no nonstop flights between the two Bay Areas). I wish the amazing time compression we experience in Florida was in effect during the plane trips, but alas, flying for me is like being on Calgary time. I set my watch back to Pacific Time and I haven't calculated how long we've been up here, but the hours drag by. The worse the turbulence, the slower it seems to take, and the Fasten Seat Belt sign has been on throughout all but a short period of this trip. Tampa to Las Vegas takes 4 hours and 40 minutes. That time passes rather quickly when I'm sitting at my desk at home -- my dad bought me one of those super-fancy ergonomic office chairs that allow you to sit in comfort for hours on end, and I frequently have to remind myself to get up and stretch every so often -- but it drags on an airplane, no matter how many books, podcasts, albums, crossword and Sudoku puzzles and DVDs I have at my disposal.

The woman across the aisle from me is painting her nails a glossy magenta, something that seems rather risky when the Fasten Seat Belt sign is on. Looking around, I see several people who are sleeping peacefully, even through the turbulence. I hate them, mainly because I would love to slip into a deep slumber as soon as we taxi away from the gate and awaken just as we're landing. Like most nervous flyers, though, I can't sleep on planes. I sometimes wonder if I could if I had one of those first class berths on an international flight, the kind that reclines into a bed, and has a little screen around it for privacy. They probably feed you so much rich food and give you so many complimentary cocktails and glasses of wine that you just pass out.

Right now, we're on Southwest, where you get a bag of peanuts, some of that bright orange cheese spread and tiny breadsticks, and a stick of salami. That's actually more than you get on most flights these days -- the last time I flew a non-Southwest airline, we didn't even get any peanuts, although of course you have the option of buying some little bags of snacks for five bucks. Southwest is about as far from international first class as you can get, but I kind of enjoy its egalitarian one-class system and the flight attendants seem less surly than the ones on United. Their in-flight magazine is usually pretty entertaining, and even though they don't show a movie, when was the last time you actually saw a good movie on an airplane, anyway? It's usually something that you would never have paid a dime to see in a theater -- once, I found myself watching something starring the Olsen Twins.

I still maintain that the best way to pass the time on an airplane would be if they provided in-air wi-fi. I would finally have time to catch up on the latest YouTube videos, not to mention the latest news 'n gossip on Defamer and Go Fug Yourself, I could read all the "Amazing Race" recaps on Television Without Pity. All of my email would be read and answered when I walk through the door after my trip, and if absolutely nothing else worked, I could Google "fear of flying." Can somebody get to work on that, please?

posted by 125records @ 5:47 PM

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