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Sue Trowbridge lives in the San Francisco Bay Area. She is the co-owner of an independent record label, 125 Records, and web diva of interbridge.com.
Feedback: loudfan@gmail.com (Please use my interbridge e-mail address instead if you know you're in my whitelist.) more weblog:
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12.29.04 a moment of silence
I have read every newspaper story and listened to the NPR coverage of the tsunami, and I still can't wrap my mind around disaster on that scale. Like the World Trade Center tragedy, in which citizens of many different countries perished, this is a horrifying event that touches everyone, not just the peoples of the countries involved. For instance, CNN.com reports that thousands of Scandinavians who had been vacationing in the area are missing. This is a global disaster that requires a global response, and I hope the U.S. government and the people of this country are generous in their donations.
It seems almost tasteless to segue from pondering wide-scale death and destruction to mourning the loss of one man, and yet I can't ignore it. Very few celebrity passings really get to me; usually they are the ones where someone I particularly admired dies too young, like Kurt Cobain, Jeff Buckley or Phil Hartman. Jerry Orbach was a senior citizen -- he was 69 when he died of prostate cancer. But I'm really going to miss him. I was an avid viewer of "Law & Order" largely because I loved Jerry's portrayal of the quintessential, wisecracking New York City police detective, Lennie Briscoe, and stopped watching regularly after he retired at the end of last season. He was supposed to reappear as Lennie on the latest "L&O" spin-off, "Trial By Jury," a clear sign that he was more than just another actor in producer Dick Wolf's ever-revolving cast of cops and lawyers. In fact, I suspect "L&O"'s ratings have gone down this season precisely because Orbach's departure left such a void.
I'm sure a lot of "L&O" fans are unaware of Orbach's past as a Broadway song-and-dance man, but he was one of the greats. The recent PBS series "Broadway: The American Musical" featured lots of wonderful footage of the man's appearances in shows like "Carnival," "Chicago" and "42nd Street." (Kids of all ages cherish his performance as Lumiere in Disney's "Beauty and the Beast.")
He had an amazing career, and yet he left me wanting more. Jerry, you always razzle-dazzled us.
12.28.04 my fake year
Nearly every December, the great Ann Landers (R.I.P.) used to run letters from some crank who hated Christmas newsletters. Personally, I love them. I'd much rather get an information-packed letter than just a card with a signature, which, I'm afraid, is what I usually send (and this year, I did an especially lousy job of sending out holiday greetings, for which I apologize). In fact, when I visit my parents around Christmas, I read all of their newsletters, even ones written by people I don't know.
I suppose you could consider the entirety of this weblog one very, very long newsletter. But for anyone who wondered why they didn't get a newsletter from me, I hereby present one. It is adapted from the newsletters I received from other people, in order to ramp up the excitement. (You didn't really want to hear about my less-than-fascinating trip to Grapevine, Tx., did you?)
Dear Family and Friends,
I can't believe it's time to sit down and write my annual Christmas letter. The days just fly by.
As usual, we spent our normal two and a half months in Florida last winter. The exercise regimen kicked in and during the duration, I swam 52 miles in our Olympic size pool and we walked approximately 120 miles, most of it on the beach. The bottom line was that I lost 16 needed pounds.
In March we returned to the Grand Canyon for a family adventure. On our way there we hiked in Sedona, AZ and loved the area. Then we spent a weekend in San Juan, Puerto Rico.
In early June we went to Madrid, Spain. We had a great time and really enjoyed the food and climate. Then we had a lovely vacation in the Belgian Ardennes.
In July, we volunteered to travel to Senegal to administer health services to an underserved rural population, an experience we found thrilling. Then we enjoyed a 2-week vacation in Australia. We visited Sydney, then traveled to the Gold Coast, near Brisbane, where we hung out at the beautiful Main Beach.
September brought the Toronto Film Festival. We saw about 18 films, and got to ogle John Waters and some of the cast from A Dirty Shame, which was having its world premiere.
We spent Thanksgiving in Atlanta, before heading to Nashville, Tenn., and Banff, Alberta. Just last week, we made a quick trip to visit the relatives in Antwerp.
Our house is still a work in progress. We have done lots of repairs: new garage door, electrical work, plumbing, window coverings, blacktopping the parking pad, and more painting. But the best is tearing out the downstairs carpet and finding the hardwood floors in good shape. Keep your fingers crossed for the upstairs.
We want to wish all of you a very happy New Year!
-Sue, Joe and Hobie
Today's category: Best Play Of 2004.
The nominees:
"Ben Franklin Unplugged," by Josh Kornbluth. Presented by the Z Space Studio at the Magic Theater. This is perhaps the most entertaining history lesson you'll ever hear. Kornbluth begins by riffing about how much he resembles the Founding Father, which led him to research Franklin's life. He was astonished to learn that Franklin's son, William, was a British royal governor. Kornbluth delves into this history, and finds it relevant to his own relationship with his late father, Paul, whose Communism is always a key plot point in Kornbluth's monologues. You can catch it again in March 2005 at the Throckmorton Theatre in Mill Valley.
"A Doll's House," by Henrik Ibsen. Presented by the American Conservatory Theater. The past year at ACT was full of heavily-hyped offerings, from Robert Wilson's divisive "Black Rider" (I adored Marianne Faithfull, but found much of William S. Burroughs' book irritating) to the Steppenwolf Theater production of "The Time Of Your Life" (the set design alone was almost worth the price of admission, but it felt sort of dated). In my opinion, "A Doll's House" was the best of the bunch -- the always-flawless René Augusen was born to play Nora, and the play still seems relevant in this age when what constitutes a "good" wife and mother is constantly being redefined.
"Master Class," by Terrence McNally. Presented by the Berkeley Reperatory Theater. "Diva" has become one of the most overused (and inappropriately-used) words in the English language, but Rita Moreno playing Maria Callas? That, my friend, is true diva-hood in action.
"Not A Genuine Black Man," by Brian Copeland. Presented by The Marsh. This tiny theater in the Mission District wound up with a runaway hit in "NAGBM," which has been extended again and again since it first opened last April (after a one-month break, it returns on Jan. 7, 2005). Why have so many people embraced this one-man show? Maybe because Copeland really is genuine -- genuinely funny, heartbreaking and honest. The story of how his family tried to make a life in one of the most segregated suburbs in America is absorbing from start to finish.
"Travesties," by Tom Stoppard. Presented by the Shotgun Players. I will admit that I had my fears about this play. Stoppard is a pretty brainy guy, and 1971's "Travesties," which features fictionalized versions of James Joyce, Vladimir Lenin and dadaist Tristan Tzara interacting in World War I-era Zurich, seemed like it might be the sort of play one admires more than enjoys. Plus, a few weeks earlier, I'd enjoyed Stoppard's dizzyingly romantic and clever "The Real Thing" at ACT. Could this by all accounts less-accessible show even begin to measure up? Well, guess what -- I loved every minute of "Travesties," which is actually giddy good fun. Maybe you do need a college education to fully enjoy it, but hey, those thousands of dollars my parents spent had to come in handy at some point, right?
And the Hobie goes to... "Travesties." Maybe it's because I entered as a skeptic and left a convert -- it was a really close call between this and "Not A Genuine Black Man." "Travesties" provided me with almost three hours of delighted smiles, laughter and merriment -- and, oh yes, a thought-provoking look at the meaning of art. The performances were all pitch-perfect; the direction, fast-paced; the set pieces, including a scene where all of the dialogue is written as limericks and a hilarious musical number in Act II, superb. In fact, I loved "Travesties" so much that we're going to see it again in January. It has been extended through Jan. 16; if you're in the Bay Area, trust me, you've gotta go. Need more inducement to check it out? It's free. Yeah, you heard me -- free. (Though they do pass the hat afterwards, and if you cough up for a Shotgun membership, as Joe and I do, you get nice perks like reserved seats.)
12.23.04 bad moments in scheduling
What is this country coming to when a Spanish drama about a quadriplegic poet's quest to be euthanized, released in the midst of the Christmas season, plays for one measly week at area movie theaters? I mean, things hang on forever here. "I 
Huckabees" is still playing in a first-run theater, for goodness' sake.
It's a crazy world, all right. So when I saw that "The Sea Inside" would be closing today to make room for "Bad Education" (a movie about a man who, as a schoolboy, was sexually abused by a priest -- good luck selling that one!), I rushed out to see it, mainly curious about Javier Bardem's Oscar-baiting performance as Ramon Sampedro, a man two decades his senior. Okay, so it's not the feel-good hit of the year -- after all, this movie can only have a "happy ending" if the protagonist's wish to die is granted. Sampedro's advocate is his pro bono lawyer, Julia (the strikingly beautiful Belén Rueda), who happens to be suffering from a degenerative disease that will eventually leave her even worse off than Ramon, since she will lose the use of her limbs and her mind.
The film makes very clear that this is the story of a single man, and that the wish to die is not something universally shared by all quadriplegics -- indeed, many lead long and full lives. I once went to see Joni Eareckson Tada speak; like Ramon, she was paralyzed in a diving accident. She has been a quad for over 35 years, has been married for over 20 years, is a best-selling author, paints amazing canvases with a brush in her mouth that are far better than anything I could do with my hands, and leads a nonprofit foundation. However, for Ramon, life without the use of his limbs was clearly no life at all.
Despite his talent and (at least as portrayed by Bardem) immense charm, Ramon never wanted to be a Christopher Reeve, setting an example for others and not losing hope that someday, a cure for spinal cord injuries will be found. He just wanted to die, and a lot of people agreed that he should be able to do so. I'm still not sure where I stand on the issue -- is it a fault that the movie makes you like Ramon and think he still has a lot to offer? In the end, even his most ardent supporter at the right-to-die organization that has been handling his case wavers.
You've probably missed your chance to see it in a theater, but "The Sea Inside" would make a worthwhile rental sometime down the line. I just hope they don't wait 'til next Christmas to release the DVD.
12.22.04 hobie awards, part 3
Today's category: Worst Trend of 2004. I'm excluding political trends.
The nominees:
Jude Law starring in every movie: Yes, he's good-looking, but after his turns in "The Aviator," "Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events," "Closer," "Alfie," "Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow" and "I Heart Huckabees," I suspect even Jude's mom wishes he would just go away for a while.
Low carb madness: I know this diet is on its way out, but let's kick it while it's down and celebrate by eating a nice baguette.
The new infantilism: Young adults today -- they don't want to grow up! They're drinking Tang Tinis and eating $6 PBJs at Mod, listening to bands that cover songs from "Sesame Street" and "The Muppet Show," dining on Cap'n Crunch topped with malted-milk balls at Cereality, and watching "Sponge Bob" on TV. Oh, and don't forget cuddle parties.
Reality shows sink lower and lower: I haven't actually watched any of these shows, so for all I know they're done with the utmost in taste and discretion, but check out these concepts: "Who's Your Daddy?," airing Jan. 3 on FOX, in which a woman tries to pick her long-lost biological father from a lineup of impostors (if she chooses correctly, she wins $100K); "The Swan," which subjects women to numerous plastic surgeries and then has them compete in a beauty pageant; the self-explanatory "Wife Swap" and "Trading Spouses: Meet Your New Mommy"; "The Biggest Loser," a weight-loss competition in which the chubbies are tempted with baked goods -- I addressed the subject of reality madness back in August, and unbelievably, things have only gotten worse since then.
Skank-lebrities: Tara Reid's wardrobe malfunction; Lindsay Lohan going on "Saturday Night Live" to talk about whether or not she's had a boob job and then allegedly "hooking up" with host Colin Farrell; Britney Spears' quickie Vegas marriage and divorce and subsequent marriage to a guy who had dumped his pregnant girlfriend for her; Paris Hilton appearing in 397 more sex tapes -- bad girls were everywhere this year. Please, ladies, resolve to keep your clothes on in public in '05.
And the Hobie goes to... awful reality shows. "Who's Your Daddy?" is almost mind-bogglingly offensive, and doesn't bode well for the offerings that will be coming our way next year.
12.20.04 we interrupt this program
Even here, in the bluest corner of this blue state, those yellow, ribbon-shaped "Support Our Troops" magnets seem to be on every other car. I tried to put my finger on why they bothered me so; I mean, I do support our troops -- who doesn't? I doubt there are a lot of Americans who cheer when they read about members of our military dying in a roadside bombing.
I guess I just find them another symbol of the wily American capitalist who is willing to do anything that will make him a buck. I surfed quite a few sites that sell the magnets, and while a few, such as this one, promise to give $1 to a military-related cause (in this case, the USO) for each magnet they sell, many others make no such claims. You gotta wonder if some of these pitchmen would be peddling "I Osama" T-shirts if they thought they could make money that way. It seems to be all part and parcel of the same impulse that led hundreds of people to post World Trade Center items for sale on eBay within minutes of the twin towers' collapse.
Anyway, I'm happy to say that I found a couple nice ways to support our troops that don't involve sticking anything on your car's bumper. Visit HeroMiles.org and you can donate frequent-flier miles to help soldiers on emergency leave, or go to FisherHouse.org to help finance homes on the grounds of major military and VA medical centers that enable family members stay close to their wounded loved ones during times of need. I'm never going to put a magnet on my car, but I do feel good about having helped in some small way.
Today's category: Best Public Radio Program of 2004.
The nominees:
"All Things Considered," heard daily on public radio stations nationwide: I'll admit that I'm seldom up early enough to listen to "Morning Edition," but "ATC" is a regular part of my afternoons. I love the fact that after serious news stories about what's going on in Fallujah or the Ukraine, they'll serve up a loopy delight like this Walter Cronkite reminiscence of his assignment covering an enormous party thrown by impresario Mike Todd for CBS News. These pieces are inevitably dissed by cranks during the Thursday listener-mail segment, but I can't resist 'em, and they keep coming, so obviously others like 'em too.
"Fresh Air," heard weekdays on public radio stations nationwide: Terry Gross's long-running program can be maddening -- I wish she'd lay off the interviews with right-wingers like Richard Viguerie and Grover Norquist, which seem like a clumsy effort to make the show more "balanced" (Al Franken and Bill Maher are favorite Gross guests). But "FA" is still the place to go to hear in-depth interviews with writers, filmmakers and even comedians (she did a great interview with Patton Oswalt earlier this year, and has also matched wits with Triumph the Insult Comic Dog).
"Le Show," heard weekly on public radio stations nationwide: Harry Shearer is best known as Spinal Tap's Derek Smalls, or perhaps for the many voices he does on "The Simpsons" (including Montgomery Burns and Smithers). But to his loyal listeners, Shearer is primarily the voice of Le Show. The program's format seldom varies: Shearer reads news items, often from foreign publications ("outside the bubble"), in a deadpan voice; he plays a variety of music (he has a particular fondness for music from New Orleans and the songs of his wife, Judith Owen); he plays elaborate prerecorded sketches in which he portrays everyone from Larry King to Dick Cheney to Yakov Smirnoff; he presents "copyrighted features" like Apologies of the Week and Tales of Airport Security. It took me a while to "get" the show -- initially, I figured it would be a straight comedy program, which it's not. It's an outlet for one very talented man's opinions and obsessions.
"Wait Wait Don't Tell Me," heard weekly on public radio stations nationwide: Proving that "NPR comedy" is not an oxymoron, Peter Sagal's goofy news quiz offers a weekly dose of fast-paced hilarity. WWDTM's stable of panelists, including P.J. O'Rourke, Roy Blount Jr. and Paula Poundstone, match wits in an effort to receive the purely honorary title of "this week's champion," while listeners call in and try to win the most coveted prize in all of public radio, Carl Kasell's voice on their answering machine.
"Work with Marty Nemko," 11 AM Sundays, KALW: I've been listening to this show on and off ever since I moved to the Bay Area, but it's gradually become a can't-miss part of my Sundays. Marty is a career coach who devotes most of his program to doing "three-minute career makeovers" on callers, but he also interviews a diverse array of experts (recent ones have included Noam Chomsky and Craigslist founder Craig Newmark), and -- best of all -- periodically debates work issues with his wife Barbara, a school superintendent. Barbara is no worshipful Robin McGraw type -- she's a tough customer who isn't afraid to tell Marty when she thinks he's full of it. In typically eclectic public-radio fashion, the host is not immune to occasional digressions; he spent a chunk of today's show offering up budget-priced restaurant recommendations (the man loves his Olive Garden).
And the Hobie goes to... "Le Show," because like "The Daily Show," it's an island of sanity in election-year madness.
12.18.04 hobie awards, part 1
We're in the middle of the Christmas season, but another annual ritual -- award-nomination time -- is also upon us. Already, the Golden Globe and the Grammy nominees have been announced; the Oscar noms are coming up next month, and there are plenty of other trophy shows on the way, including the People's Choice Awards, American Music Awards and the Screen Actors Guild Awards.
There's just one problem with all of these awards: with rare exceptions (such as last year's "Lord of the Rings" mega-victory at the Academy Awards), my favorites never win. I suspect that "Sideways" will have to receive a Best Picture nom, due to all the critics' awards it's been sweeping up, but I'm sure something big and expensive, like "The Aviator," will triumph. (Of course, even if it does win, I'm sure the voters will somehow find a way to deny Martin Scorsese the Best Director statuette he should have picked up years ago.)
Anyway, now that I have this splendid public forum, which allows me to reach a potential audience of millions (actual readership: around 35 people), I have decided to pooh-pooh other people's opinions and present the world with my own prestigious awards: The Hobies. Nominees will be selected and voted upon by me, with additional input from my dog Hobie, if he cares to give it. Winners will receive The Golden Flexi Leash, which is a purely symbolic trophy, but it's the thought that counts, right?
Today's category: Best Television Show of 2004.
The nominees:
"The 4400," USA Network: This fascinating limited-run series aired during the summer, and, happily, will be back in '05. The title number refers to the 4,400 people who seemingly disappeared off the face of the earth during a 60-year span. Well, guess what, they had actually disappeared off the face of the earth -- only to suddenly return in 2004, physically not having aged a day. The show is all about how the returnees try to pick up the pieces of their lives and grapple with the special powers many of them developed during their time away. A great concept, well-executed.
"The Amazing Race 5," CBS: The currently-airing "TAR"6 is turning off many longtime fans of what has always been known as "the classy reality show," thanks to the abusive behavior of the loathesome Jonathan toward his Playboy-bunny wife Victoria. The overrepresentation of models and actors doesn't help, either. "TAR"5, though, was a joy to watch, thanks to teams of real people, including plucky cousins Charla and Mirna; persevering moms Linda and Karen; and small-business owners Chip and Kim, who wound up winning the race in the thoroughly amazing conclusion.
"Arrested Development," FOX: The things that make this show such a hard sell are precisely what I love about it: the endless recurring bits that reward the attentive, regular viewer (Cornballer, anyone?); characters who are not so nice; weird little blink-and-you'll-miss-it flashbacks and gags. I almost wish "AD" was on a cable channel where its niche audience of diehard fans could continue to enjoy it; unfortunately, I doubt FOX will have much more patience with this critically-praised but underperforming-in-the-ratings dark family comedy.
"The Daily Show with Jon Stewart," Comedy Central: "TDS" is always at its best during a presidential election year, and Stewart and his merry band of correspondents didn't disappoint. This was the year Stewart became a true media celeb, thanks to his appearance on CNN's "Crossfire" (he called the hosts "partisan hacks"), best-selling America: The Book, and generally glowing reviews of "TDS"' coverage of the political conventions. What amazes me is how consistently good this show manages to be, week in and week out; even on an off night, it's still the funniest thing on TV.
"Lost," ABC: I've given up on "Survivor," but this desert-island show is infinitely more entertaining than anything Jeff Probst & co. have done lately. It's also the most suspenseful show since the first season of "24." With its huge cast and many mysteries, "Lost" should continue to intrigue audiences for years to come.
And the Hobie goes to... "The Daily Show." What can I say? It makes me laugh, and it's on four times a week. In this case, more is better!
12.16.04 down on the farm
When you hear the word "rural," what comes to mind? A bucolic farm at the end of a country lane? A cabin by the shores of a remote mountain lake? How about a densely-populated community of condos, including several high-rises, located in St. Petersburg, Florida -- the fourth-largest city in the Sunshine State, with a population of 250,000?
I wouldn't think a city with its own Major League Baseball team could be thought of as particularly pastoral, but apparently, UPS begs to differ. I just sent a package to my parents, and the shipping company slapped an outrageous "rural surcharge" of $1.90 on top of the regular fee. Apparently they designate certain zip codes as so far off the beaten path that they require this extra charge. Phooey! Either UPS should raise its rates so that it can make a reasonable profit, or it should at least make sure that the communities it earmarks as "rural" truly deserve the designation.
12.15.04 we can live our misbehaviour
The Arcade Fire: overhyped or brilliant? I haven't picked up a copy of Funeral, their much-praised album, but I did download (legally!) their song "Rebellion (Lies)," and am borderline-obsessed with it. I find it majestic, anthemic and moving; every second of its five-minute running time is precious. Joe, on the other hand, found it utterly monotonous. You can listen to it for yourself and decide. And yes, I've heard that the Arcade Fire are a positively transcendent live band, but like the Hives, it might take years before I'm able to check 'em out myself, since their two January shows at the Great American Music Hall sold out immediately. (They've just added a Jan. 12 show, which will go on sale this Sunday at 10 AM, but I'll be unable to attend that night.) Perhaps it's for the best; I'm sure the place will be packed with hipsters, making me feel both old and claustrophobic.
At the other end of the spectrum, I heard one of the worst songs of the year yesterday. Usually, it takes an entire lifetime of sucking to build up to something so spectacularly bad -- look how long it took Rod Stewart to produce his "Great American Songbooks" -- but the Scissor Sisters managed it their first time out. I refer to their cover of Pink Floyd's "Comfortably Numb." Now, I think the Sisters' single "Take Your Mama" is a delightful Elton John-like pop nugget, but as for "Comfortably Numb"... well, just imagine if the original had been released a couple years earlier, and the Bee Gees had decided to do a disco remake of it for the "Saturday Night Fever" soundtrack, and you may get a vague idea of how misguided it is.
12.14.04 the worst movies of 2005
Last year, pre-blog, I compiled a list of the worst movies of 2004 -- before the year even started. Unfortunately, I can't find a copy, but I do remember that it turned out to be frighteningly accurate, thanks to these eight simple rules:
1. It stars a former or current cast member of "Saturday Night Live."
1.5. It is based on a recurring character from "Saturday Night Live."
2. It stars any Baldwin brother other than Alec.
3. It's a sequel.
4. It's a remake.
5. It's based on a television show from the 60s, 70s or 80s.
6. It's based on a comic book.
7. Its main character is CGI ("Scooby-Doo," "Garfield: The Movie").
8. Four words: "produced by Jerry Bruckheimer."
There are exceptions, obviously -- "Spider-Man 2" was one of the best films of 2004, and it was based on a comic and was a sequel. But for the most part, these rules won't steer you wrong.
So, without further ado, here is a list of films you should avoid in 2005:
1. "Racing Stripes" - If you've seen the trailer for this one, you are no doubt already planning to give this one a wide berth. A zebra (voiced by Frankie Muniz) dreams of becoming a thoroughbred racer; his sidekicks are two "wacky" horseflies (Steve Harvey and former "SNL" performer David Spade). Additional minus points for including a fart joke in the trailer.
2. "Bewitched" - Nicole Kidman and former "SNL" cast member Will Ferrell camp it up as Samantha and Darrin Stephens in this film based on the '60s sitcom. Scores a few bonus points for casting Amy Sedaris as Mrs. Kravitz.
3. "The Six Million Dollar Man" - Jim Carrey no doubt collected way more than $6 million to play Steve Austin in this action-comedy, which was directed by "Old School"'s Todd Phillips.
4. "Son of the Mask" - Jim Carrey's nowhere to be found; this time, a baby wears the mask! "[T]he reaction (to the trailer)?" writes a movie fan on the IMDB.com message board. "DEAD SILENCE (followed by a little girl in the front of the theater saying, 'that looks dumb')." Watch it yourself, and you'll see why.
5. "The Sweet Science" - If Mariah Carey had been a contestant on "The Apprentice," you'd think The Donald would have fired her after "Glitter" flopped. But no, Trump is investing and playing a supporting role in this romantic comedy, in which Carey portrays a boxer who steps into the ring with Laila Ali.
6. "Daddy Day Camp" - Sure, he was caught picking up a trannie hooker a few years ago, but onetime "SNL" star Eddie Murphy has rehabilitated himself into one of Hollywood's most bankable family entertainers thanks to heartwarming fare like "Daddy Day Care," to which this is a sequel.
7. "Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo" - Ex-"SNL"er Rob Schneider reprises his role as everyone's favorite man-whore in this follow-up flick, which sends Deuce to European sin capital Amsterdam.
8. "The Dukes of Hazzard" - Do you have a Confederate flag sticker on your truck? If so, this movie is for you! The South rises again in this remake of the '70s red-state favorite. Jessica Simpson dons the skimpy Daisy Dukes, while "Stifler" Seann William Scott and "Jackass" Johnny Knoxville play Bo and Luke.
9. "Oh, God!" - Who knew The Deity is a lesbian? Ellen DeGeneres takes over George Burns' role as the man, er, woman upstairs in this "hip and modern" (says producer Jerry Weintraub) remake. No word yet about who will step into John Denver's Birkenstocks to play God's messenger.
10. "Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith" - Boy, do I hope I'm wrong about this one.
12.13.04 kinsey sicks
Name?
Sue.
Age?
Old enough that if I lived in Hollywood, someone would be shoving a Botox needle into my forehead right now.
How old were you when you first masturbated?
When I first what? You pervert!
Calm down. Since you just saw the movie "Kinsey," we thought you'd like to participate in our research.
Dude, my parents read this blog. How about if I tell you how old I was when I first saw a movie?
I don't suppose that particular memory will involve sex.
Hey, you never know. My friend James' dad took him to see "Midnight Cowboy" when James was in elementary school, because he thought it was a Western.
Interesting.
My first time was "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory." I was five, and I made my dad take me home halfway through it because I was frightened by the Oompa Loompas.
After that experience, did you ever find yourself strangely attracted to short orange men with pompadours?
No.
On a scale of zero to six--
Zero. But I once had a dream involving Kate Winslet, a trampoline, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'll put you down as a point-five.
You know what really does get my motor running?
What?
Peter Sarsgaard and Liam Neeson making out. Naked Peter Sarsgaard. Say it fast, and there's music playing. Say it slow, and it's almost like praying.
Scenes like that one are probably partly to blame for all of the conservative protests of the film.
Yes, although the portrayal of Dr. Kinsey in the movie makes it clear that he would never "make up" data to support some supposed agenda. He was a true man of science. The fact that "Kinsey" is so controversial just shows how far we haven't come since the 1950s. I thought this was a really well-made, thoughtful film with excellent performances by Neeson, Sarsgaard and Laura Linney, and it's certainly an eye-opener for those of us who came of age long after Dr. Kinsey's research had been published.
Are you sure you won't tell me about--
Sorry. But this is San Francisco. Just post a query on Craigslist, and I'm sure you'll find more talkative interview subjects than you can shake a stick at.
12.12.04 the hardest-rocking band in show biz
I had long heard tell of the Hives' incredible live shows, but had never been able to witness one for myself, because the two concerts they'd played here so far both sold out immediately. Finally, some genius booked them into the enormous Warfield, and I was able to buy a ticket. They obviously have a faithful following in San Francisco; the place wasn't completely full, but it was close.
For the uninitiated, the Hives are a Swedish garage band. Their best-known song is the fierce rocker "Hate To Say I Told You So" from their 1999 album, Veni Vidi Vicious. They played their first U.S. shows in 2002, and quickly won a loyal following in the States. Lead singer Howlin' Pelle Almqvist is joined in the band by Chris Dangerous, Vigilante Carlstroem, Dr. Matt Destruction and Nicholaus Arson -- which have to be some of the best stage names ever.
So what makes the Hives live experience so special? Mainly, it's Pelle's undeniable charisma -- he struts like a young Mick Jagger; does the splits; scales the monitors, speakers and bass drum; throws himself into the crowd; and frequently chats with the audience in an affected Southern accent (a Southern American accent, that is, not one from Skåne). He sounds more like a member of the Black Crowes than a guy from the small industrial town of Fagersta, Sweden. "This is the last Haaaahves concert of two thousand and fo'!" he informed the crowd.
Pelle's self-aggrandizing between-song patter ("So this is what it feels like to be run over by rock!") would be annoying if the band weren't so darn good. The lead singer may be the focus -- I'm sure Pelle wouldn't have it any other way -- but the rest of the band play the hell out of their instruments, particularly drummer Dangerous, who bashes his simple kit with a primal fury.
The band played for just over an hour, but managed to get through probably more than 20 songs during that time. Their music isn't profound, but they do know how to entertain a crowd. Also, bonus points for the matching black & white suits and spats! When was the last time you saw a rock band decked out in spats? I'm guessing never.
12.09.04 claymation
It's too bad that I don't have any friends who are big fans of alleged child-bullying superstar Clay Aiken. The official Clay Aiken Web Store sells a wide variety of products for Claymates, including a green fleece Christmas blanket ($80), ornament ($12.99), nightshirt ($35), "I Clay" hoodie ($40), bookmark ($8) and sticker sheet ($15). You can wrap it all up in Clay wrapping paper ($15 for two sheets). Oh, and elsewhere online, you can order a copy of Clay's new book, Learning to Sing ("Learning to Sing is the most inspirational and wonderful book I've ever read. After reading it, you really start thinking about your own life and how you handle things. WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL Book!!!!!" writes April of Fairmont, WV, in a typically effusive Amazon.com reader review).
Anyone who doubts Clay's staying power underestimates the fervor of his fans.
12.08.04 kanye who?
The Grammy nominations were announced, and Kanye West got 10 nominations. I have heard the name Kanye West, but as far as I know, I have never heard any of his oeuvre. He is an "offbeat rapper," according to the Boston Herald. And I feel old... so very old.
At least I know all about Green Day, who were also nominated for Album of the Year and Record of the Year. Plus, they're from here -- yay! Enough people whose taste I respect have raved about American Idiot that I might have to pick up a copy.
12.07.04 i hate to shop
This is one of the hardest times of year for me. Sure, we pretend that it's all about peace on earth, good will toward men, but even committed Christians admit that Christmas is really all about shopping. And I am a lousy shopper.
I always think, "This year, I'm going to get all of my Christmas shopping done before Thanksgiving!" but here it is, Dec. 7, and the only person I've finished shopping for is the one who thoughtfully posts his wish list online.
Joe and I went to Bay Street on Sunday to see "The Incredibles," and afterwards, we took a spin through the stores. It was a very economical trip for me, because I wound up spending $0.00. Either everything looks so cheap and disposable (Old Navy), or it's too expensive (I was ready to buy this super-cute sweater for my mom until I saw that it was $228), or it's too gimmicky -- every store seems to be offering novelty barware items this season. I really don't know anyone who could use a martini rimmer.
And speaking of useless gifts: if you have the stamina to complete the Miami Herald's registration process, Dave Barry's annual gift guide is online.
12.05.04 class
You know how sometimes, you come across a factoid that really stays with you? A couple of months ago, the Swedish-American paper Vestkusten covered a visit to the Bay Area IKEA stores by the company's founder, Ingvar Kamprad. The popular build-it-yourself furniture emporia have made Kamprad outrageously wealthy -- in fact, some estimates place him way up on the list of the world's richest individuals, in the company of Bill Gates, Warren Buffett and the Wal-Mart heirs.
Anyway, the part of the article that really made my hair stand on end was the observation that Kamprad had flown economy class to San Francisco. In fact, he never flies first class anywhere, and he drives an old Volvo.
The reason this freaked me out so much is that my personal goal in life is to become wealthy enough so that I can always fly first class. I have done this exactly twice in my adult life: once about 10 years ago on a two-hour flight from Baltimore to Tampa, courtesy of a USAirways upgrade; and on a trip from San Francisco to Orlando in 2003 on United, paid for with frequent-flier miles. I usually hate flying, but the latter flight was one of the pivotal experiences of my life. I relished every minute of it. After lunch, which was actually quite good, the flight attendant came around with ice cream sundaes. Ice cream on a plane! It seemed so delightfully exotic and luxurious. I was actually sorry when we arrived in Orlando that the flight was over so soon. Why would anyone with a net worth of $18 billion choose to sit in a cramped coach seat when he could have leg room and ice cream?
For an upcoming 10-hour flight to Europe, I shelled out an extravagant amount of frequent flier miles -- and here I must give unending thanks to Joe for contributing 30,000 of those miles from his own account -- for the chance to sit in business class, on the top floor of a 747. I hope there will be ice cream and champagne and complimentary slippers. I may not be rich, but unlike my countryman Ingvar, for a few hours, I plan to pretend that I am.
12.04.04 work is hard
Updating interbridge.com, I see that I have completed five new web sites since mid-September. (Joe set up shopping carts on two of those, but I did everything else.) It's funny, no matter how long I do this, I always think, I could be so much better. Maybe that's a good thing. It's taking me longer and longer (in terms of hours) to finish a site, to reach that point where I feel something is "good enough." I can't wait for "perfect," or nothing would ever go up.
I really love this guy's designs, and Heidi Mack, who also does a lot of mystery sites, is incredibly talented and a nice person to boot. I like the way Zero Defect manages to fill up the entire window, whereas I primarily work with a 700-pixel-wide swath down the center of the browser. Perhaps that can be a challenge for 2005: master the mysteries of "width: 100%".
12.03.04 feelin' kinda patton
I know it's wrong, but I'm so fascinated by all the photographs of Britney Spears looking ghastly that keep turning up online. What's with the hair? I guess I should feel sorry for her, since I wouldn't want someone snapping photos of me every time I set foot outdoors. But I wouldn't even sit around in the privacy of my own home with such an unkempt ponytail, much less subject the public to it.
My favorite comedian, Patton Oswalt, has a special airing Sunday night on Comedy Central. I probably already know all the jokes in it by heart, but I'll tune in anyway, if for no other reason than to hear how different they will sound without all the swear words.
12.02.04 josh kornbluth is a studly fellow
I had written a bunch of stuff about monologist Josh Kornbluth and his Tuesday night appearance at City Arts and Lectures, but I deleted it because it was taking me far too long to explain (a) who Josh is and (b) what CA&L is, just so I could try to explain Josh's comment about how he wants Linda Hunt to describe him as "studly," and how funny it was. So... let's just say that Josh is hilarious, and maybe you just had to be there. Though I'm sure it'll be well worth listening to once the edited version makes it to the radio broadcast.
"The Amazing Race" finally made it to Sweden, which I take as a personal shout-out to me, since I've been hoping they would go there ever since the first installment (this is race #6). Joe was very, very sorry to see the cute sisters from Utah get the boot after the blonde sis ran into some bad luck while trying to find a clue buried in a bale of hay. She spent over seven hours unrolling hay bales, and will probably hate Sweden forever now as a result. Will the Swedish tourist board need to advertise to undo the damage done by "TAR"? "Sweden: We're More Than Just IKEA, Ice Bar and Giant Hay Bales!"
All content © 2004 by Sue Trowbridge